you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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