The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
