So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
