flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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