Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
