There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
