I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
