I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
