i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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