i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
