I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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