Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize