apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think people are normalizing furries
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
