Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
