I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
