you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
