she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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