I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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