you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
