And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
