He asked to "fluff my boner.."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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