i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
