i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
