I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
