I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
