remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
