All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
