Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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