Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
