Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
