Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
