i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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