I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
