Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
