My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
