first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
