you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
