Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
