This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
