Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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