just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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