And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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