my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
