Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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