new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
