I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
