I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
