Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
