Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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