He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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