so explain again why im purple
no
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
