u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
