From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
