Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
