It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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