It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
