Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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