Sry I called you an 8
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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