Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Houston, we have a blender
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
